I have recently decided to abstain from social media. I would like to explain my reasons for, and feelings about, this decision. But that task remains for the future.
I have the luck to work in an office. My time here is split between stupid arguments, tedium, and stretches of time without work during which I have to pathetically pretend that I’m doing something worth paying for. This pretending is more taxing than actual work.
But, I have discovered that the sound of keyboard key strokes and an open Microsoft Outlook window appears from a distance to be legitimate and payable. I started with personal emails, then expanding some stray ideas. I have realized that with this deception I could write some of my thoughts. Maybe an essay or a diary, a few scraps of sentences.
I completed a degree in literature, however I have so far failed to make writing my profession. Outside the leafy environs of school I could not encourage myself to write, this is my vice. With some trying perhaps I can blame this on the economy or maybe the society. Again, a task for the future.
My vice is a has been a struggle with self-initiation, I am no Napoleon. A pair of eyes peering over my shoulder is often required for me to do anything. So my trick is this, a sleight of hand, to subvert the surveillance system of the workplace to my own needs for discipline. Instead of a professor or muse or literary circle, my boss will substitute. He won’t know it but he will be my editor.
So why spend this time writing, why not scroll or masturbate in the office toilet? It’s the higher desire. Because it sooths my soul, it pushes its boundaries to an airy lightness.
